We recently read "The Defintive Ranking of Jane Austen's Heroes" by Hannah Reynolds. While we all agree with some of the things she says, of course, we all also have our own opinions. We felt she added a few men who were completely unnecessary(John Dashwood? Mr Rushworth? William Price? Who even cares about some of those guys?), and she totally left out at least three guys we couldn't imagine Jane Austen stories without. So we decided to create our own list, based off at least two opinions. There's less room for favoritism that way. Anyway, this took a lot of discussion and thought and argument on our part, so, without further adieu, here's our list of Jane Austen's Love Interests from the creepiest to the best. And don't spoil the fun, we aren't giving away our number one yet. 21. Mr. Wickham Earning the creepiest, most sly Austen love interest is none other than Mr. Wickham. With as many big windys as this guy tells, it's no wonder he has to fly from one woman to another. And we all know he was just out to get money to pay off his debts and to get back at Mr Darcy. 20. Mr. Willoughby I admit it, sometimes I feel sorry for the guy. He actually loved Marianne. He just makes too many mistakes in his misguided life. Yuck...getting a teenager pregnant then running off with a rich lady to make his Auntie happy? Come on man...think about what cute kids you and Marianne could have had! 19. John Thorpe EEW! What else can I say about this cussing, lying creeper? He even assumes he proposed to a girl just because he mentioned a dumb song...whoever heard about one wedding bringing on another anyway?? 18. Captain Tilney Here's another gross scum of the earth guy. He is just..just...icky. I mean HE KNOWS she is engaged to another guy, but there he goes chasing her anyway. What on earth? (How did Jane Austen come up with all these yucky people anyway?) 17. Henry Crawford We all know he made up a plan to break a girl's heart. Isn't that enough? 16. Mr. William Elliot He's out to get her and her sister's money...except they don't have any...so he starts spreading lies. Such a nice relative. No wonder there was family tension. 15. Tom Bertram He's a gambler and drunk and treats our heroine badly the entire time, but then he almost dies, and I think he has a small change of heart. 14. Mr. Yates I mean, its all about the topknot. HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG WITH A TOPKNOT? Except a stupid play which caused poor Mr Rushworth to lose his wife in the end. Anyway, it was a great sin that they wrote him out of the 2007 version of Mansfield Park. 13. Frank Churchill He's not that bad, he only belittles he fiance for 95% of the movie/book. But he's such a good guy to everyone else, nobody can really blame him. It does really upset me when he's so mushy gushy in love with Jane Fairfax once their relationship if out in the open. 12. Mr. Elton Oh, Mr. E. My Cara sposa. His awkwardness is hilarious. His sad attempt at a proposal is even better. His best feature is undoubtedly the wife he manages to find. 11. Mr. Collins Greasy haired Mr Collins is the epitome of nasty boyfriends. No wonder he had to try so hard to get a wife. And the only reason he had to get a wife was because his patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, told him he should. And the only reason she told him to get married was to get him out of her hair. 10. Charles Musgrove He's just....there. 9. Colonel Fitzwilliam He seems like a nice guy, but we don't know too much about him. All we really know is that he's the gossip who told Lizzie about how it was all Mr. Darcy's fault that Jane's heart was broken. 8. Colonel Brandon He's just SO OLD. I kind of feel bad for Marianne that she ends up with him. He's obviously in love with her from the beginning, but he doesn't do anything about it! Why do guys do that? And hes just SO OLD. 7. Edmund Bertram Here's the thing. He was Fannie's friend forever, Miss Austen could have ended the story before it even started, but NOOOO she has to throw that darn old Mary Crawford in and spoil everything. He practically has to rediscover himself before he re-remembers that he loves Fannie. We suffer through his painful story just because of Mary Crawford. It's all her fault! 6. Edward Ferrars How can any adult male let his mother and sister run his life like this? Why can't he just man up sooner and act on his emotions when he first figures out he likes Elinor? Because he is secretly engaged! Woohoo! 5. Charles Bingley He is seriously just Jane's Prince Charming. He's perfect. They're exactly alike. They are so good natured. I imagine that they have a storybook ending and lived Happily Ever After. 4. Mr. Knightley I love how he tells Emma exactly how it is. It was badly done, Emma. Badly done, indeed. It was well done to treat her like that, because otherwise how would she have had any sense at all? 3. Mr. Darcy Yeah, I know. He's everybody's number one. But he's really not, if you've read the books. He practically runs his friend's life(Mr Bingley) by breaking him up with his love(Jane) then he has the audacity to tell Elizabeth he likes her against his will, and even against his better judgement. What gentleman would say this? I know he buys out Mr Wickham's debts to try to regain Lydia's good name(was it good?). I mean, he turns out ok in the end, but in our opinion he's not the perfect guy everyone makes him out to be. 2. Captain Frederick Wentworth He is faithful for years. This is why he's awesome. He, unlike most Austen characters, didn't break up with the girl, her family broke them up. But he still remained faithful and loved her in spite of the changes in their situations. He is just what a guy should be. 1. Henry Tilney Where can I begin? He's funny, genlemanly, understands muslins, and the only bad thing he ever does is totally understandable. Who wouldn't get upset with Catherine when she was snooping around their house and assuming his father murdered his mother? Even then, he didn't tell anybody about it. He was such a gentleman. He even defied his mean old grouchy father to marry the love of his life. And we know they have a happily ever after life because Jane Austen tells us so. Now we must have one smirk! The humble opinions of Mrs. Pickwick and {the Salamander}
1 Comment
miss moffet
11/6/2015 05:10:07 pm
I like yours better than the other one! Great villains....also, Mr Tilney is #1!
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